She’s back! I couldn’t be more thrilled. Good luck MAryAnna!
Oh hey guys, it’s me, MaryAnna. Remember me? The lady who said she could not imagine going back to the life she had before Whole 30? I think I even said, with great confidence, that I had “zero desire to go back to where I was 32 days ago”. Turns out I’m a bit of a liar – a liar to myself and to y’all. Oh how quickly the reintroduction phase became my old life. A cheat meal, turned into a cheat day, which turned into a cheat week, which turned into complete food complacency. Not only did I welcome back my old habits, I welcomed them back with open arms. The mind is a f*cked up thing. A beautiful thing, but a f-ed up thing. It’s amazing to me that I could remember how incredible I felt on Whole 30, but could not stop eating Peanut Butter M&M’s and Twizzlers. If anything, I felt desperate in my need to eat sugar – as if my body was afraid that I would take it away again. That sugar dragon is a mean, vindictive, strong willed dragon.
I have been saying for almost two months that I was going to start the Whole 30 again. My first justification for delay was a good friends’ wedding. Then it was the end of the school year. Then it was going to New York for a week. Then another wedding. Excuse after excuse after excuse. I felt let down by myself. Where did the empowered, healthy, confident woman go? I know she’s in me – I’ve seen her!
Hindsight is, indeed, 20/20. I should not have stopped to reintroduce foods. I felt FANTASTIC. Since my total collapse back into my old habits, I have gained back 4 pounds, have achy joints and have pretty consistent headaches. I sleep terribly, am cranky, moody, and constantly rely on external sources for energy. My anxiety seems worse than it has been in a long time, I currently have a cold, my food remorse is vicious, and I CRAVE sugar. I crave sugar to the extent that it is often the first thing I think about in the morning.
I am starting the Whole MaryAnna. Not the Whole 30. Not the Whole 60. The Whole MaryAnna. I am sticking with the Whole 30 for 30 days and beyond in order to be happy and healthy both mentally and physically. No cheats – only choices. I truly believed that I could fix the relationship I had with food in 30 days. For 34 years, I have maintained a pretty consistent unhealthy relationship with food – why I thought I could fix in 30 days what I had taken 34 years to construct, I don’t know. Hindsight.
I have been debating getting an arrow tattoo … but, for now, have ‘settled’ for an arrow ring as a reminder that an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. A reminder that when life is dragging me back, it means I will be launched into something great – my job is to focus and keep aiming.
My focus is on me. On the Whole MaryAnna.
Come follow my journey – - thewholemaryanna on Instagram